Posts from March 2004.

Some friendly advice…

…from a Melburnian to Nottinghamites (Nottinghamsters? Nottweilers?) and residents of other cities who are rediscovering the glory of tram travel:

  • In some important respects, trams are unlike buses. If you’re frustrated by how slowly the tram you’re on is moving, it won’t help to get off it and get on the one behind. (NB I know people who have actually done this!)

  • If you’re lucky enough to still have real human conductors, cherish them.
  • So one in five people aren’t buying a ticket? You really need to approach that as a glass-four-fifths-full situation. In Melbourne, if 80% of people were actually buying tickets, that would be a good news story! Oh, and we do have electronic ticket machines, the idea that conductors are to blame for fare evasion is risible. See above point.
  • And I must say this mystifies me a bit; I suppose if two objects came within 60 metres of each other in outer space, you might call it a “near miss,” but in Nottingham? Or are the streets of Nottingham more prairie-like than I imagine? Funny phrase, though, isn’t it, “near miss”, I mean it’s not nearly a miss, it is a miss! We should say “near hit.”
  • If you’re a car driver in a city with trams, do your karma a favour and stay out of the fucking way of trams. That means no blocking a tram when you’re trying to turn, and most importantly stopping, yes I do mean coming to a complete halt, when people are trying to get off the tram. (This only applies if your city has those tram stops where you have to walk out into the middle of the traffic to get off the tram. Possibly there is more sanity and consequently fewer thrills on other cities’ tram systems.)

Infraviolet

Yet another very good online microhouse mix comes courtesy of Ben, who announced himself in my comments box. This is the kind of spam we like! The mix is one for the Perlon fans, by turns sexy, tough and (despised adjective but so what) deep, including lots of my favourites, notably Pantytec’s “Quattroporte” (possibly the best Perlon track ever, who dares to disagree?). The mixing is technically excellent too. Highly recommended. The tracklisting is here.

(Ben, on the off-chance that this link gives you bandwidth issues I’ll be happy to remove it.)

Candidates for reaping

I think the reason why David Stubbs’s Reaper columns (as recommended by, well, everyone) are such a delight, even to those like me who’ve expressed frustration in the past with the facile negativity (or, if we must, “snarkiness”) of so much pop culture discourse, is really as simple as this: Stubbs bloody well knows what he’s talking about. More than this, he’s made the effort to understand the reasons why some people like, say, Songs in the Key of Life or Raging Bull, before going on to explain why those reasons are bogus, insufficient, or incoherent. A far cry from the dispiriting insta-critiques a la “So I finished Ulysses and…meh” that you see every day on blogs and elsewhere (”elsewhere” including The Observer, with its appalling recent series on “most overrated books”, most of which boiled down to “I honestly tried with Proust (or whoever) but I couldn’t get past the first page”; it’s a relatively well-kept secret, but if it’s faux-naif philistinism and confirmation of your own middlebrow prejudices you’re after, you could do a lot worse than turn to the book pages of broadsheet newspapers—except the ones that my friends write for, of course!). There should be a rule that before you can presume to be an iconoclast, you should at least be able to stipulate what it is that has made something an icon to begin with.

Here, however, are some sacred cows that I would really like to see skewered by suitably qualified persons. Inspired by Simon’s remark that among David Stubbs’s casualties are some of his favourite things, and out of a perverse wish to see my own favourites taken to task, about half of this list consists of things I really like, the other half of things I genuinely think are overrated. In my dreams this will create a huge flurry of comments as my readers try to outdo each other by guessing which ones are which. Hey, if Trouble Diva can have his readers jumping through hoops, why not me?

  • Virginia Woolf

  • Sign O’ the Times
  • Punk, tout court
  • Golf
  • Shakespeare
  • J. S. Bach
  • Vertigo
  • British television [for Australians only]
  • Six Feet Under
  • The Three Colours trilogy
  • Extra virgin olive oil
  • Cary Grant
  • Kraftwerk
  • P-Funk
  • Verdi
  • Jane Austen
  • “I Feel Love”, naturally

Falling free falling free falling free

I’ve just discovered that when you do a Google search for the phrase “i feel love”, this blog is the top result, a grotesque fact for which I unreservedly apologise to Miss Donna Summer and Mr Giorgio Moroder.

Somone should start a blog called “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”, just to see if they could oust The Beatles.

See what I hear

Inspired by Alan and Tom at NYLPM I’ve signed up at listen-to.com, a fun if slightly sinister service that spies on the MP3s you’re playing on your computer and allows you to report this potentially embarrassing information to the rest of the world. You can now check out my listening habits on my right-hand sidebar (under “Communities”).

Needless to say, I’m now a bit self-conscious about what I’m listening to. Particular importance gets attached to the last song you listen to before you disconnect from the net, because this will be reported as your current listening until the next time you sign on. Still, potentially, once you stop actually thinking about it, it’ll be more revealing than those “current listening” lists that I always suspect are a bit selective. This could become the music blogger equivalent of webcams! (Of course, it won’t work for those music bloggers who have no truck with MP3s…)

Where have you been, Patricia?

Saw a rather good little American movie called The Station Agent today. It featured the wonderful Patricia Clarkson who is suddenly everywhere; where has she been all these years? (Theatre, I suppose.) By coincidence I also rewatched Far From Heaven on DVD this weekend; is there a more devastating scene in recent cinema than the one where Clarkson starts off being supportive of Julianne Moore’s character who has just told her her husband is gay, but then turns on her when she reveals the extent of her friendship with her black gardener (Dennis Haysbert; it does take you a few minutes not to think of him as President Palmer off 24)? The fact that Clarkson comes across as so intelligent despite being so reactionary makes it all the more heartbreaking. No matter how many times I watch the film, I think I’ll always be hoping, however forlornly, that that scene will somehow turn out differently.

Bring forth the royal diadem

Hymns! Finally a subject about which I can speak with some authority. I don’t think I’ve written before here about my churchy past, but in fact my very earliest memory is of being in church, while my only memory of looking at words before being able to read them is of trying to follow along with The Baptist Hymn Book. I remember being able to find the hymns by reading the number off the board at the front of the church, but once I’d found them the actual words would make no sense. On second thoughts, is this even plausible? Does a child learn to read numbers—three-digit numbers!—before learning to read words? In any case, I’m pretty sure that one of the reasons I became a precocious reader was so that I could join in the hymn singing without being half a second behind. Not that I think I ever really took in the words; you don’t, with hymns, do you? They’re just strings of eighteenth-century devotional boilerplate for the most part; their purpose is to get you feeling a bit pious while you stretch your legs and belt out a good tune. Mind you, some of the words did have an undeniable camp charm; check out this popular number from my Baptist days (warning: this link will play you the hymn as well as show you the words): “Let angels prostrate fall” indeed! It sounds even funnier when you sing it. This was a much-loved hymn in my church when I was growing up, even though the tune “Diadem” had in fact been excised from the most recent edition of the Baptist Hymn Book, presumably for being too fun to sing (you’ll have to take my word for it; that MIDI file doesn’t really do it justice); church organists and pianists always had a copy taped in at the back of their hymn books, and this was the tune they always played, rather than the officially sanctioned one. (Despite its samizdat status, this is a quintessential “low church”, Baptist-type hymn, with its bouncy melody and its sense of harmonic progression. “High” Anglican hymns tend to be much more sober and static musically, evoking plainchant: think “Once in Royal David’s City” or “All Creatures That On Earth Do Dwell”.)

This business with tunes is one of the interesting formal things about hymns: theoretically, the words and the tunes are completely separate things. The tunes have their own names—like dancehall riddims!—and every hymn book comes with an index of tunes by metre, so that in principle a hymn can be sung to any tune with the correct metre (an example of a hymn metre is 8.6.8.6, aka “Common Metre”, the one familiar from much of Emily Dickinson’s poetry; the numbers refer to the syllables per line). Lots of hymns come listed with two different tunes; some are conventionally sung to a completely different tune located elsewhere in the book that as a musician you are just supposed to know. In fact, when later in life I started playing piano for church services, I often didn’t know which tune was the “right” one, and people ended up having to pick up melodies on the fly when I was playing. Not that anyone ever complained; Christians (or at any rate Baptists) are polite that way.

Anthony says that hymns are the only example he can bring to mind of “music that is not pop cult, that has not been excorporated,” so naturally one looks for exceptions. Firstly, what about classical music, especially twentieth-century classical music? Obviously some of this has been “excorporated” by advertising and the like, but perhaps not, say, the Second Viennese School, or Boulez. As for hymns, well, of course hymns have been part of popular culture in the older sense in which it was thought to be distinct from “mass culture” (the former being a product of “the people”, the second of the “culture industry”; of course there are problems with this distinction but it used to at least seem plausible). One thinks of the annexation of “Abide With Me” by English football fans, or the way that (so I’m told) Methodist hymns used to be fodder for pub singalongs in Wales. There was also the whole nineteenth-century continuum of political radicalism with evangelical revivalism; there’s a reason after all that the likes of “The Internationale” are essentially hymn tunes. This is the tradition Matthew Herbert is drawing on for the track “Hymnformation” from the Doctor Rockit Indoor Fireworks album (although this has a middle eight and a key change so it can’t really be a hymn!); and am I imagining things or hasn’t Billy Bragg done something similar? (Speaking of whom, Billy Bragg’s “Sexuality” must be a candidate for the worst records of all time list!) As for the culture industry, well I’m pretty sure I’ve heard “I Vow to Thee, My Country” in at least one advertising campaign, but then, that tune’s nicked in the first place from Holst’s “Jupiter” (from The Planets).

Anthony also refers to the difference between hymns and Christian pop music. There’s something to be written about how the latter has actually been feeding back into mainstream popular culture of late, especially through the reality pop shows where, in Australia at least, an extraordinary number of the contestants (including the winner of Australian Idol) come from a church background, generally from the big, auditorium-style Pentecostal churches where there is a full backing band and solo performance (with applause!) is a regular part of the service. At my Baptist church there was none of this showbiz, but efforts to appeal to “the youth” did see the replacement of hymns in some services by “choruses,” which were actually not very rock-and-roll at all apart from the fact that they were playable on guitars. It’s hard to describe exactly what they sounded like; the nearest equivalent I can think of is the early 70s Broadway quasi-folk of Godspell or even Hair. In any case, they were absolutely hideous, but partly because they generally used well-known words straight out of the bible, instead of the second-degree theological fustian of trad hymns, they were more suited to the style of worship that lots of “young people” of my acquaintance embraced: intense, emotional and almost at times trance-like. Don’t blame us, we didn’t even have acid house back then!

For your consideration

Thin Lizzy has fans! Let me say for the record that I have nothing against Thin Lizzy, I know nothing at all about them, I couldn’t even tell you offhand where or when they come from, and I can’t remember any of their songs apart from that bloody awful “The Boys Are Back In Town.” Possibly apart from that one song they’re great, just as, I’m fully prepared to admit, apart from “There She Goes” The La’s are shit.

Anyway, it’s been a while since I did my part for the social contract and recommended any blogs. Here, then, are half a dozen that I read regularly, that I think others might enjoy, but none of which are the kind of thing you would tend to find on Simon Reynolds’ blogroll:

Crooked Timber – There are of course scores of prominent politics-oriented blogs, very few of which I can stomach. This is a good one to use to stick your toes in the water (the writers themselves are all smart and agreeable, while some of the commenters provide enough cautionary unpleasantness to make you appreciate our little corner of things). It’s written by a group of academics (mainly philosophers) from the US, the UK, Ireland and Australia, so as well as the politics there’s interesting stuff about philosophy, academia, etc. Daniel Davies’ contributions are a particular highlight.

Language Log – Another academic group blog, this one written by linguists and grammarians. There’s a lot of shop talk here, but I find it addictive. This lot are particularly good at demonstrating the idiocy of almost all media commentary about language; they were winningly indignant, for instance, about a bizarre (but typical) assertion in a recent article that because one group of people were nomadic, they had no need of a future tense. As the Language Loggers pointed out, nomads have more need of the future tense than most, surely! They need to ask things like “where will be off to tomorrow?” (Oh, and one of the authors wrote a book about how that story about the Eskimos having all those words for snow is actually crap.)

Michael Bérubé Online – Yet another academic blog. A recent discovery this one, but it’s a gem. Michael Bérubé is a very well-known American literature/cultural studies academic, and his writing here is hilarious, smart and consistently on the money.

Amblongus – OK, this one is actually quite well known among the music blogging massive; this guy used to write a blog you may have known called The Yes/No Interlude. These days he seems to be writing anonymously so I won’t mention him by name, but if you haven’t caught up with his move to new premises, or haven’t read him before, you really should. An Englishman in Texas, his observations of the strangeness that surrounds him are angry and hilarious, sometimes by turns and sometimes at the same time.

Glob – My friend John ploughs his own furrow, unlike any other blog I’ve seen in that while it’s mainly about John’s life, it’s not just another “what I did today” blog; instead, it excavates the little corners of experience that usually go unnoticed.

Tubagooba ain’t heavy, he’s my brother! And jolly good he is too.

Even poptimists get the blues

Marcello and Mark in full curmudgeonly flight: all good fun, although can I just say up front that I absolutely love The La’s’ “There She Goes” and I’m pretty fond of Wham! too (Kylie goes without saying). Naturally one agrees about “Imagine’; does anyone like that song? Might we have found a universal common denominator there? (I say that in the certain knowledge that someone will pop up who both likes the song and can mount a cogent defence of it.)

What would be on my list? “The worst” is a funny category; as I was trying to suggest a propos Ed Wood, you have to at least find something interesting on some level (even on the level of the inexplicability of other people’s liking for it) before you can be bothered nominating it as the worst of anything. I mean, I could say that to me “The Boys Are Back In Town” by Thin Lizzy represents the very worst in banal tuneless clod-hopping rock music, but what would be the point? Who would I be offending?

One candidate that stands out, though, since Mark has rightly asserted the need for a U2 song, is “Pride (In the Name of Love)”; surely that’s where it all started to go wrong?

Probably won’t be getting that Susan Sontag endorsement any time soon after this post

I do feel rather sorry for Adrian, abandoned husband of Big Brother’s Reggie, but I had to laugh when in his New Idea interview he complained that what Reggie had referred to on the show as a “fish and chip shop” was “actually a successful mixed business.” In other words, why does she keep complaining about having to cook fish and chips, it’s not as if we don’t also sell milk! He really doesn’t get it, does he? I always thought he was rather adorable, though, especially compared to the specimens you get cooking chips down my way.